I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
