do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
