OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
