Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
