she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wanna go halves on a baby?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
