I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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