I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
