Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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