FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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