Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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