Betty ford says i'm here all night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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