im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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