today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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