Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
