When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
