i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
