I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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