It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
