Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
