hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
