I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
