I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
