But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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