remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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