That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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