if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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