So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how can u be prego again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize