So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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