i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
