I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
