When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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