I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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