I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
