I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
