i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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