is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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