i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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