so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
