Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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