i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
