im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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