Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
