I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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