i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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