Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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