The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
