the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
