I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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