We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
