does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
