Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
