meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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