guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
