So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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