It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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