I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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