this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
