ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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